What's Changed Lately
This is the Turtle Trax revision history for our fourth year. Some of the original links have been removed because the pages referred to have changed or no longer exist. In particular, we do not put Turtle Happenings pages in an archive, so the current page is unlikely to reflect the changes listed here.
Last week, 53 potential Bogonauts set out to prove that the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) was not the difficult task that most of us assumed. Flying in the face of popular opinion proved to be too demanding for most of them, however, and only 9 managed to hang on until the exhausting but incredibly stimulating climax. Only one of the hardy finishers retained enough energy to claim a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
We know you are all wondering why all those people are camping in line just outside the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Well, so are we. It's just a webcam, folks!
66 people were smart enough to walk right past the line and start watching last week, and 12 of them were so enthralled by what they saw that they were still watching right until the eye-popping ending. Only one of them recovered enough to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. No line-up for that, strangely.
"Very cool!!!!!!" with six exclamation marks, that's how one of last week's 62 Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) watchers reacted. "I made it to the end!" wrote another. Well, so did six other people, for a grand total of seven who thrilled to the mindblowing finish. "...I had to watch the whole thing," was the definitive comment, offered by one of the three people who took their rightful places on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Aren't you curious?
Only 61 personages showed up to view the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, so we decided to try to boost attendance. We hired a well-known spin doctor who normally works for a well-known president in a well-known capital city of a well-known superpower. Sure enough, "Dr. Spin" (contractual obligations prevent us from revealing our consultant's real name) spun our 61 viewers exceptionally well. In fact, most of them spun so much they fell over and couldn't finish watching. Only 10 people managed to remain upright until the unbelievable conclusion. Unfortunately, they were all too dizzy to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers
Did you know that 4 out of 10 doctors recommend viewing the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) to relax the mind, soothe the nerves, and calm the soul? Well, neither did we, but how else to explain the 84 anxious Bogonauts who attended last week? An impressive 13 were rooted in their seats until the stupendous climax, which left them drained but comforted. Only one person was relieved enough to ask for a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, though.
Sunny weather brought spring frolics to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. 51 frolicking viewers romped their way along, laughing and cheering and yes, sometimes crying at the marvellous images. The merriment was too much for many, though. Gradually the combined strain of the gaiety and jocularity versus the compelling and suspenseful drama unfolding before their eyes led all but nine personages to leave before the stupifying climax. Remarkably, two of these were able to keep their wits about them long enough to request places on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
A bypass for the Superduperinformationdatautobahnhighway was routed right around the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, with the result that we had only 52 visitors. Most of them apparently missed the detour sign and were just looking for the exit. Seven were drawn into the unique and amazing drama that unfolded before their very eyes, however, and remained to witness the thrilling climax. Just one remembered to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, reminding us once again that even on the backroads, the pace is so quick that people often miss the really important stuff.
There was much tension in the air this week as we watched the number of Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) watchers creep slowly towards the magic 10,000 mark. Unfortunately, when the week ended attendance came up a little short, notching only 67 on the definitive BogusDex. Viewers showed a definite lack of commitment, perhaps hindered by a lack of leadership, resulting in a bearish decline to just 7 completions by week's end. There was one standout viewer who was dutifuly recorded on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
We have made an alarming discovery. 52 people began watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but only 2 of them actually watched through to the stirring climax. We hired a couple of moonlighting FBI agents to investigate the low completion rate. They have since reported the astonishing finding that aliens have been kidnapping Bogonauts and wiping out their memories! The mystery now is to figure out exactly what it is that the aliens don't want you to see. Of course, this does explain why no one asked to be placed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
106 personages showed up at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) over the past two weeks. Most of them seemed to be under the impression that it was some new trendy haven for spring breakers, but all that broke was the fifth seat from the right in the third row. Once reality settled in, most attendees became ex-attendees, but 16 dedicated watchers watched dedicatedly until the fabulous climax climaxed fabulously. Four of them were so dedicated that they requested places on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Since we're trying to complete a presentation and a video for the 19th Annual Sea Turtle Symposium on South Padre Island, Texas, we've scaled back changes to Turtle Trax for the duration.
53 delighted attendees showed up last week at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) for the annual presentation of the BogusCammies(TM). Unfortunately, the nominations got lost and no one knew who was to get what. We made some guess but that didn't seem to appease most people, so only 11 remained for the grand finale. Alas, no one felt inspired to join the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Since we're trying to complete a presentation and a video for the 19th Annual Sea Turtle Symposium on South Padre Island, Texas, we've scaled back changes to Turtle Trax for the duration.
42 popcorn eaters and soda drinkers showed up for the opening of Bogonaut spring training last week. Despite windsprints and squat exercises, initial attempts at watching the entire showing of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) produced the usual high dropout rate, with only 10 candidates making it to the novel and startling ending. Two of them did so well they made the team, however, and so have been added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. The rest of you had better start working out or you won't make the cut. You've been warned.
Since we're trying to complete a presentation and a video for the 19th Annual Sea Turtle Symposium on South Padre Island, Texas, we've scaled back changes to Turtle Trax for the duration.
51 curious souls entertained us last week by attending at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). We watched with more than a little amusement as the unwitting attendees began to realize what they had let themselves in for. Most of the victims headed for the doors, but we had hidden them. Even so, desperation reached such heights that all but 11 climbed, clawed, or crawled their way to escape. The remainder were forced to witness the gruesome climax. Of course, none of them wanted to join the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Since we're trying to complete a presentation and a video for the 19th Annual Sea Turtle Symposium on South Padre Island, Texas, we've scaled back changes to Turtle Trax for the duration.
We tried to suspend operations of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but were hounded by 51 eager Bogonauts. We resisted for a time, but the pressure was too great and we resumed transmissions. Oddly, people began drifting away one by one, and only 8 remained for the world-acclaimed climax. Perhaps the effort of persuading us was too much, since none of them asked to be placed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The guarantee of not being forced to endure 16 hours of SuperBore XXXIII commercials enticed 44 viewers to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. They proved to be a more stalwart group than usual, since 14 stayed to enjoy the full show, resulting in an unusually high 32% completion rate. Two people were aware of the significance of their achievement and so asked to be listed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Notably, not a single Bogonaut suffered from an excess of beer, chips, pizza, or popcorn, or broke an ankle trying to get back from the bathroom before the commercials were over.
Only 50 viewers chose the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) over the riveting US Senate trial of President Clinton last week. The compelling spectacle of Senators sending written questions to the Chief Justice continued to work its magic as time wore on, thus only a mere 10 personages had the determination to stick with their original choice. Despite such an awesome display of willpower, none of them chose to immortalize the accomplishment by claiming a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Such modesty is refreshing.
Despite the fact that a vital part of the supporting technology was buried under 2.5 or 3 metres of snow last week, the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) continued to function and drew in a respectable 62 potential Bogonauts. Unfortunately, the cold weather prevented many of them from remaining to witness the stupendous climax. 12 Bogonauts actually froze to their seats and saw the entire show; however, all of them were too stiff to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
52 people gathered to see the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but were totally confused as to how to proceed. After a lengthy meeting, they unanimously decided to start the viewing, with later opportunities to vote on whether to continue. Unfortunately, most of them fell asleep or wandered off in a daze, leaving only 6 overworked watchers. By the time the stunning climax was reached, they were all too exhausted to be inaugurated into the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
We want to talk to you people about the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). What with new internet connection services like cable modems and ADSL, there's more bandwidth than ever and you people are not wasting it! Only 34 people started watching last week, although 11 stayed for the whole show so we had an admirable completion rate, and two even asked to be included in the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. The rest of you people, pull up yer sox.
30 people were smart enough last week to realize that chances to view the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) in 1998 were quickly running out. Only 5 of those were clever enough to watch all the way to the chilling and astonishing climax, however, and not a single one had the genius to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. We attribute this general decline in intelligence to alien mind probes and the lack of wearing tinfoil hats.
As the holiday season arrived, only 36 busy shoppers took a moment to enjoy the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. The pressures of the retail rush got to most of them, causing them to hustle off before the inspiring but puzzling conclusion. Still, 6 people took the time to enjoy the entire showing, although none of them wanted to mark the holidays by joining the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
54 enthusiastic viewers showed up to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Well, as far as we could tell, they were all enthusiastic at the outset anyway. It's not clear how long their enthusiasm lasted. After all, the tension and drama involved take a heavy toll, so heavy in fact that only 9 people could bring themselves to witness the memorable climax. All of them were so overwhelmed that no one remembered to join the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
A disappointing 41 people showed up last week to be wowed by the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Apparently, we overestimated the exclusive appeal of showing on only one screen, resulting in our finish of dead last in the week's attendance rankings. Our box office receipts were a bit flat, too. Just a bit. Okay, we admit it, we took in exactly nothing. Two people asked to join the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, though. That beat out The Waterboy by a wide margin.
Despite the fact that last week Americans celebrated their peculiar turkey gobbling holiday, only 39 people showed up to consume the turkey also known as the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). The four persons who enjoyed the entire feast felt so stuffed that none of them could make the effort to ask to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
81 Bogonauts appeared before the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Relentless and gruelling images gradually wore down most viewers, causing them to flee screaming. Only 8 Bogonauts managed to endure the onslaught until it was finally over. Not unexpectedly, none of these retained enough energy to demand a position on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Well, we warned them. In the past seven days, 52 stalwart souls attempted to view the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). As the images poured in, their stamina was sorely tested, and regrettably but predictably, eventually all but six were forced to drop out. The experience was so draining that none of the survivors (no other word sill suffice) retained enough energy to request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
In shocking defiance of knowledgeable pundits and flying in the face of numerous polls, 12 of 72 viewers of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) became full-fledged Bogonauts last week. The experts had been unanimous in predicting that no one would remain for the shocking climax. It was clear, however, that Bogonauts were delighted to prove that the polls and pundits didn't have half a clue among them. No less than 4 Bogonauts were so excited that they claimed their rightful places on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
72 aspiring Bogonauts showed up at the launch pad of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but the rigorous demands of relentless bandwidth consumption forced most of them to drop out before liftoff. When the countdown reached zero, only 8 Bogonauts remained. Unfortunately, the blastoff shock was so great none of them remembered to ask for a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Because only 61 viewers showed up at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, the Cabal was forced to declare a bandwidth surplus crisis. The urgency was heightened by the fact that only 10 viewers actually consumed the maximum available bandwidth, and just one of these wanted to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Prompted by fears that the excess bandwidth would not be used, Netscape released the corpulent Communicator 4.5, Microsoft unveiled the portly NT Service Pack 4, while Apple adopted different strategy by unleashing the most voracious bandwidth consumer of them all, Sherlock. The coming week will be crucial in determining whether these stopgap measures can soak up the bandwidth left unused by the low BogusCam(TM) turnout.
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) drew 61 viewers last week, exceeding anyalysts' expectations by 6000%. This touched off a bull market, with many analysts declaring that they'd never seen so much bull in one place before. As the week progressed, the effects of the Asian meltdown eroded the attraction somewhat, so that only 6 people hung in for the long haul. Modestly, they all passed on the opportunity to join the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
In a revealing demonstration of public opinion, 56 people chose last week to view the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) rather than anything to do with the Global Economic Crisis. Alas, devaluation reduced them to only 8 personages by the time the stunning climax was reached. The effect was so severe that they all vanished before any of them could ask to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) Season Premiere played to 47 viewers last week, placing 974th. Although the show was highly acclaimed by critics, only 7 viewers remained when the production reached its stunning climax. Even more disappointing, none of them wanted to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. The producers complained that it is impossible for private enterprise to create a bandwidth-wasting farce that can compete with government-funded Tripp-Starr-Hyde Misproductions, Inc. Sources close to TSH revealed that when the Special Inquisitor was told about the complaint, he said, "Damned Clinton attack-dogs! Subpoena them!"
73 determined Bogonauts lined up to compete for the record for Most Consecutive Viewings of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. It was a long and hard-fought battle, and many struggled valiantly before succumbing, but when the smoke cleared only three Bogonauts managed to make it through the first showing. Two of them were so dazed and confused, they forgot to submit their names for the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
PS: The record for Most Consecutive Viewings remains at one.
Partisan squabbling broke out this week over the decision not to make public the entire videotape of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Enraged by the decision, those who style themselves "protectors of Internet values" and "seekers of the truth" vowed to find other ways to expose the horrific bandwidth wastage. They threatened to expose all 68 of last week's visitors, and were particularly contemptuous of the 8 Bogonauts who watched until the thrilling climax. Their tactics of intimidation must have had some effect, since no one requested a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The eternal investigation by the Special Inquisitor into the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) bandwidth wastage scandal implicated 66 curiosity-seekers last week. Only 4 of the curious actually witnessed the entire turtle-shark relationship, and in order to avoid subpoenas, all of them declined to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Although the Special Inquisitor has issued a report listing 11 specific charges, both the turtle and the shark continued to deny any wrong-doing, releasing a joint statement in which they claim, "It's all lies, we're just good friends."
It was inevitable. A certain government agency that we cannot name here has declared our exclusive Quantum Bogodynamic technology Radically Top Secret: Destroy before viewing. That means that the 83 visitors who began watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) were most likely spies and secret agents. Unfortunately, due to government secrecy regulations, we cannot reveal that one person did request a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Through a vigorous spam campaign, the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) attracted an astounding 32 potential Bogonauts last week. This amazing demonstration of the power of spam should convince even the most skeptical that bandwidth wastage is, well, wasteful. Four spamees must have read all the way to the end, too, where we promised that the BogusCam(TM) climax would reveal the way to Make Money Fast. Since we lied about that, none of them asked to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
This week marked a major milestone in the history of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) as a record low 26 potential Bogonauts showed up. To complete an amazing double, not a single one witnessed the spectacular climax, another first! Does this mark a breakthrough to a new level of responsible bandwidth usage? Stay tuned for next week's exciting episode, same BogusTime, same BogusURL.
45 individuals set out on the path of enlightenment by way of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Meditating intently on the images, four of them reched BogusCam(TM) nirvana. The experience must have overwhelmed them all, since none of them requested a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Ommmmm.
64 potential Bogonauts began watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week--the same as the number of squares on a chessboard. Only one of these actually persevered to witness the amazing climax--the same as the number of computers that have beaten chess Grand Masters. Coincidence? We don't think so. Why? Because that sole persistent viewer asked to be included in the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Think about it.
60 potential Bogonauts heeded the call of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but alas, only two were pure enough to finish the viewing. We will be offering a special PureBogus(TM) course for the inspired come the fall. In the meantime, dear friends, persevere, and you too can join the single Bogonaut this week who wanted to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
53 Bogonauts were subpoenaed by Ken Starr last week. According to sources close to the investigation, they had watched the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) and he suspected that they might have seen a certain top-hatted turtle alone with President Clinton. Only five were actually summoned before the Grand Jusry, however, since the others had not seen the entire exciting performance. Understandably, none of the five was willing to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Aliens abducted 47 innocent victims last week and subjected them to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Only seven survived the entire experience. Two of these returned to earth and demanded a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Elvis was not one of them.
A huge swell rose up last week and completely swamped the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). This did not deter the 54 fiercely determined Bogonauts who set out to view the amazing images, but alas, the swell got the better of most of them. Only 9 managed not to be swept away before the stunning climax. The battering must have been too much for most of them, though, since only one (well, two actually) requested a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
We have managed to solve some of the problems we've been experiencing in producing the weekly Toon, allowing us to resume posting the GIF version. Unfortunately, we are unable to produce acceptable JPEGs until further notice.
Due to holiday festivities, only 17 people attended at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. The attraction of fireworks posed too much temptation for most of them, since only a single Bogonaut stayed for the whole show, and that one didn't ask to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
This is our week to move to Maui for the summer. The original plan was to have a small update consisting of the week's Toon. Due to a copying error, the Toon didn't make the trip. Consequently, there are no updates this week. We'll resume regular updates next week, with an account of our first week's diving and two week's of Toons. Sorry for the interruption.
Now that the heat of summer is upon us, 74 Bogonauts sought the comfort of the "Cool Inside" promise of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Most of them were not prepared for what they were about to see, however, with the result that 65 fled before the astonishing climax. Of the remaining 9 viewers, 3 were disoriented enough to ask to have their names added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
73 Bogonauts from 50 countries gathered last week for the 3rd World Mug of Bandwidth Wastage. The hardest challenge, as everyone knows, is to watch the complete Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). As expected, the toll on the participants was extremely heavy, resulting in only 4 competitors who had the stamina to reach the final scene. The strain must have been enormous, since none of the finishers remembered to submit a name to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The lineup stretched around the block as no less than 74 wanna-be Bogonauts assembled for the summer opening of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. When the lights came back on, however, only three viewers were left. Since they were all asleep, none of them asked ot be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
If 28 of your friends decided to sit down to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM), would you do it too? Well, 28 of them did, but only 3 of them had the stamina it takes to reach the exciting and awe-inspiring climax. They were all so overwhelmed by the stunning conclusion that none of them remembered to ask for a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Turtle Trax celebrated its Third Anniversary on May 21, 1998. Three years is a long time in cyberspace, so we decided that some renovations were in order.
Police were called to investigate a suspicious gathering last week, only to discover that it was this week's group of aspiring Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) watchers. Sources close to the investigation say that there were 43 suspects, but of these only 2 were detained for further questioning. Apparently these were the only ones who watched through the entire presentation, a highly suspicious act indeed! Determined investigators finally were able to place one of the suspects on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Police emphatically deny that the release of the other suspect was connected to the purchase of a significant quantity of doughnuts that later turned up in the possession of the investigating detectives.
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