What's Changed Lately
This is the Turtle Trax revision history for our third year. Some of the original links have been removed because the pages referred to have changed or no longer exist. In particular, we do not put Turtle Happenings pages in an archive, so the current page is unlikely to reflect the changes listed here.
In a blatant display of envy, 7 computer manufacturers, 26 software developers, and 52,167 webmasters banded together last week to file suit against Turtle Trax. They are claiming that by integrating the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) into Turtle Trax, we are engaging in unfair competition for bandwidth wastage. We have vowed to fight this case all the way to the highest courts. 40 aspiring Bogonauts were undeterred by legal threats and decided to watch anyway. There was some evidence of weakening resolve, however, since only 4 remained for the entire show, and none of them was willing to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
65 potential Bogonauts enrolled in Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) 101 last week, but only 9 of them finished the complete course. It is, after all, a high standard for bandwidth wastage. Not everyone can tough it out. As an example of just how hard it is, from this week's graduating class only two were added to our Honour Roll, otherwise known as the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
98 wannabe Bogonauts began watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Sadly, the stamina of today's bandwidth wastrel has declined drastically. Gone are the days when 20%, even 25% of potential Bogonauts could last until the astounding and awe-inspiring climax. A piddling 3, yes that was a 3, witnessed the stunning conclusion. Not one of them had the strength left to request a position on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) fell an agonizing single Bogonaut short of the magic 100 mark last week, causing bitter disappointment and yes, major heartbreak. Even more discouraging, although 17 of the 99 Bogonauts watched the final frame, 8 of them were the same Bogonaut! Worst of all, not one of the 8 asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Fortunately, we were saved from crushing depression by the lone Bogonaut who did ask to be listed. Twice. Neat, eh?
If all your friends went to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM), would you go too? That's the question mothers are asking their children more and more these days. Apparently 74 of them answered "Yes!" because that's the number who showed up last week. Nine of them persisted until the final climatic scene, and one of them was motivated enough to request a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
A small furry creature carrying a basket of brightly coloured ovoid objects was spotted among the 54 Bogonauts who attended the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) in the past week. The animal proved to be a disturbance, insisting on placing the ovoids beneath seats and in the pockets and shoes of other Bogonauts. All but six eventually became irritated enough to leave before the usual rip-roaring finale, and only one of the finishers was unflustered enough to remember to request a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. It was not the rabbit.
As you have undoubtedly read elsewhere by now, the frivolous shark harassment lawsuit against the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) was thrown out of court last week. 51 enthusiastic viewers began the celebrations with us, but the merrymaking was so energetic that only 10 had the stamina to stay until the final frame was downloaded. Of these, just a single Bogonaut retained enough energy to request a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
During what was the busiest week ever for Turtle Trax, we were shocked--shocked and appalled!--that only 47 visitors took the time to sit down, stretch out, relax, and engage in some serious bandwidth wastage by viewing the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). What was even more inconceivable--inconceivable and incomprehensible!--was that only 6 of these Bogonauts actaully watched until the exciting--exciting and electrifying!--climax. Just one lone single solitary watcher had the courage--the courage and daring!--to request a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Apologies to all who visited last week only to find that nothing had changed. Originally we'd hoped to do a late update, but after we got back from Mazatlan it became obvious that we simply didn't have either the time or the energy. Sorry about that.
Most people don't know this, but the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) would have been nominated for an Oscar had we not modestly declined. (Best BogusCam(TM) on the Whole Net) 39 reviewers sat in last week, but only 10 could stay for the grand finale. Apparently all 10 are afflicted with social phobia and therefore could not bring themselves to join the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Apologies to all who visited last week only to find that nothing had changed. Originally we'd hoped to do a late update, but after we got back from Mazatlan it became obvious that we simply didn't have either the time or the energy. Sorry about that.
While we were in Mexico, and then when we got back and were too bagged to keep an eye on the door, 81 people sneaked into the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Of these, 64 thought better of it and left before the show was over. The remaining 17 turned out to be a modest bunch (well, if you got in without paying you'd be modest too) so only 3 requested a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
It's that time again! The 18th Annual Sea Turtle Symposium convenes this coming week in Mazatlan, Mexico, and we'll be there. As you might have noticed, this week's updates are a little early, and next week's will likely be delayed slightly. Please bear with us.
Sit 40 people down in front of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) and how many do you think will watch the whole show? Anyone? Anyone? Ferris? That's right, 10. How many of those do you think would ask to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers? Anyone? Anyone? No, Howzit, 42 is bigger than 10. Anyone else? Alright, I'll tell you: 4. Isn't that fascinating? No, Howzit, bizarre does not mean the same thing.
According to well-placed sources, 32 individuals of a curious nature were seen visiting the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) in the last seven days, however none of them could be positively identified as a certain President of a certain superpower. Sources close to the investigation could not confirm or deny reports that a certain intern was the lone viewer to watch the entire show. A report leaked to us reveals that a desire for anonimity prevented this person from applying for a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
29 Bogonauts signed up for the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) Olumpics last week, but only 7 of them completed the tough course. Naturally, we tested the finishers for peformance enhancing substances such as popcorn, soda pop, and peanuts. Astonishingly, all tested positive. Five said they'd accidentally eaten jelly sandwiches that turned out to contain peanut butter. Another admitted to having taken a mouthful of soda, but said that he didn't swallow. The final finisher said she hadn't eaten popcorn herself, but had attended a party at which enormous amounts of popcorn were consumed. Fortunately, none of the finishers asked to be included in the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, avoiding a serious dilemma for the BogusCam(TM) Olumpic Committee.
Feeling the effects of The Titanic, our Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) drew only 29 viewers last week. Even though our camera is already completely sunk (and we didn't need an iceberg to do it), only two of the Bogonauts watched the whole thing. Neither of them felt worthy of requesting a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Despite ever-increasing competition from other, lesser webcams, the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) continues to pull them in. Last week, 38 Bogonauts sat down to suck up major quantities of bandwidth. Due to serious routing problems and heavy packet loss, only four of them were able to reach their objective, none of whom elected to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. System administrators of backbone machines were relieved and are praying for more weeks like the last one.
34 Bogonauts (most of them in training for the SuperSillyUS TV sports event this weekend) gathered about them popcorn, potato chips, pretzels, and beer, then sat down before the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) to condition themselves to, well, silliness. Much to the dismay of NBC Sports, only two were able to finish, an ominous indication of what could happen on Stupor Bowl Sunday. Of the two hardy souls who managed to survive, one wanted to mark the occasion by being placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Did you know that two out of three World Wide Web reference books recommend that visitors to Turtle Trax should not miss the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM)? It's true, yet hundreds of visitors tromp through here every day without so much as a peek. Last week, for example, only 34 potential Bogonauts took the advice of the experts. Of these, only five followed the advice to the letter by watching the entire show. Even more incredibly, only one of these claimed a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Hard to believe, isn't it?
The draught is over: 48 eager Bogonauts flocked to see the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, forcing us to add temporary seating on Tuesday. The crowd's enthusiasm was contagious, and no fewer than 13 Bogonauts were so overwhelmed that they remained glued to their seats until the bitter end. Three of the awe-struck, possible victims of mass hysteria, requested that their names be added to the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) was sparsely attended over the past week, with a mere 26 curious Bogonauts watching. Frankly, we are puzzled as to why. Surely it is more entertaning than watching some silly silver ball descend upon thousands of rambunctious revellers in Times Square. Or maybe not--none of the three Bogonauts who remained for the entire show were stirred enough to ask to be immortalized on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Overeating struck again last week, making people reluctant to move and reducing attendance at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) to a teeny-tiny 18. That's the down side. The up side is that an astonishing 8 of those who showed up went the distance. That is a completion rate of 44%, probably the highest ever. This should not come as a surprise, since anyone who could overcome turkey torpor must be highly motivated. Not motivated enough for anyone to request a listing on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, however.
Bored with the ordinary drudgery and humdrum of everyday life? Want to add a little excitement to your existence? How about an experience unlike any other, one that will make you the envy of all your friends? We thought so. That's why we're making a special, limited-time offer for a viewing of the one, the only Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM)! You too can become a Bogonaut for as little as a few minutes of your time and gobs of bandwidth. Last week, 44 Bogonauts took us up on our unannounced sneak preview offer, and six of them went for the complete package! A sample reaction: "...really enjoyed it." Naturally, this is a Bogonaut who wanted to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. You can be there too! Don't hesitate, start watching today!
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) had another odd week. A whopping 56 potential Bogonauts began watching, but only four of them were still hanging in as the transmissions ceased. Since these stalwarts seemed temporarily (we hope) incapable of voluntary movement, doctors were called in. They reported that "...these people are in a strange daze unlike anything known to medical science. We recommend bed rest and no Internet for a week." This probably explains why none of the survivors asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Weird things affected the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) this week. Perhaps it was the alignment of all the planets. We had 38 Bogonuats who sat down to begin the show, but the astonishing thing was that 10 of them were still sitting at the end. Even stranger, it was the second viewing for one Bogonuat and the third for another! We know this because both requested their rightful place of honour on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The number of Bogonauts dropped sharply this week to 30 as the US Thanksgiving holiday cut into attendance at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). We anticipate a quick recovery, however, since the post-holiday season is characterized by a much lower percentage of turkeys on the net. Of the three Bogonauts who were not lured away by the smells of stuffing and cranberry sauce, one recognized the import of the achievement and wished to mark the occasion by joining the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Cataloging robots ran amuck with the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Five of them started to watch and--believe this if you dare--all five of them watched right through to the thrilling climax! We think Hotbot and Alta Vista and Infoseek should be more aware of exactly what their robots are really up to. We could tell that these robots were sneaking around because none of them asked to be added to the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
"Very funny..."
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."
These are just some of the comments from avid Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) watchers last week. While we can't guarantee that everyone will be quite that enthusiastic, we can tell you that of the 35 viewers who started to watch, 7 were still in their seats at the end. Two of these claimed their rightful claim to net.immortality by asking to be included on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The box office dropped off dramatically at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. We assume that's because by now, everyone Knows What We Did Last Summer. 29 curious Bogonauts embarked on the journey of discovery, and most of them (all but 5) were quickly overwhelmed. One devil-may-care personage threw caution to the winds and asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
With students everywhere (except here in Ontario) settling in for another winter of industrious study, we are naturally seeing more and more traffic. Encouragingly, a good portion of this is pure, unadulterated bandwidth wastage. An impressive 45 Bogonauts attended at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, and 8 of them were sufficiently dedicated to frivolity that they stayed for the whole show. Two of them sought net.squanderer immortality by asking to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The plunge in the stock markets at the end of the week was matched by a corresponding rise in the number of bandwidth wasters sitting down to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Probably distracted by rumours of an upturn, all but five of them abandoned the show before it was over. None of them felt compelled to join the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Only 22 in the audience for the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but seven of them hung in until the last frame wafted in on the electronic breezes. One of them felt the accomplishment warranted recognition on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Some people have no shame.
Another 33 of the curious peeked at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but only six of them were tenacious enough to stick till the bitter end. Amazingly, not one of them wanted to immortalize the achievement through the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. We are dismayed. Shocked and dismayed.
35 were inspired to try to become full-fledged Bogonauts last week, but the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) relentlessly wore them down until only 7 were left. This would seem to be an impressive completion rate--until you realize that four of the Bogonauts turned out to be search engine robots, and another turned out to be someone using a page-sucker to grab the entire site. (What does one do with 80+ megabytes of sea turtle stuff, anyway?) The two real Bogonauts asked to be added to the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. We have made it so.
In respect of the death of my brother, Philip Gerard Bennett, whom I shall sorely miss, we are not posting any of our usual updates this week. Instead, we dedicate a special page to his memory. Few have touched so many.
Another 51 ambitious Bogonauts settled down in front of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. An impressive nine of them were tenacious enough to last the distance, although it is possible that some of them fell asleep during the performance. Only one asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, something we're sure the others overlooked only because of the exciting climax.
When the 42 adventure-seeking Bogonauts set out to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, they probably were not aware of the tremendous strain it would put on their grasp on reality. It was therefore no surprise that 37 of them cracked under the strain. Of the five whose nerves of steel did not collapse under the pressure, only one remained cool enough to realize that such strength deserved permanent recognition on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Warning: Before attempting this daunting task, make sure that your local mental health facilities are capable of dealing with the potential consequences. We are not responsible for any damages!
25 stalwart souls set out to endure the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Sadly, as the show progressed they began dropping like flies, until only six remained at the end. When the lights went on, however, three of them were revealed to be robots! Of the three human watchers, one stepped forward and claimed a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. The other two sought refuge in anonimity.
Because of a combination of illness and severe jet lag (not to mention post-Maui depression) we are limiting updates to the weekly Toon at this time. We'll make further revisions a little later this week. Mahalo for your patience.
The popcorn popper was down last week, and coupled with the shortage of yellow butter-flavoured oily stuff resulted in a paltry 23 Bogonauts who settled down to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Hunger pains forced 22 of them to leave before the show was over, but the persistent viewer who hung in there wanted to remember the occasion, so we've added him to the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Major news services last week reported a drastic reduction in bandwidth wastage, a.k.a. the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM), with only 17 candidate Bogonauts. Informed sources indicated that only two people actually remained until the end, the rest fleeing in shock and disbelief. Both witnesses refused to comment, and declined to be identified for the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
21 personages thought they would try to be Bogonauts last week. They sat down to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM), but when all was said and done, there were only four survivors! One of them miraculously retained enough strength to request a well-deserved place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Another 23 hopeful Bogonauts sat down to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. An astonishing 7 (yes, seven!) watched until the gripping drama was fully played out. Only one admitted to the accomplishment, but this one was special: the Youngest Known Bogonaut! Naturally, this called for a special notation on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) drew only 21 aspiring Bogonauts last week, but 5 of them persevered. Clearly none of them are members of the Bandwidth Conservation Society and Tea Social. One of them confessed, thereby earning a permanent place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Although 29 potential Bogonauts started watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week and an astounding eight of them saw the complete show, nary a one owned up to it. Is this the harbinger of a new sense of net.responsibility? We think not. Secretly, each and every successful Bogonaut believes in the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) motto: Bandwidth Waste Evermore!
We got a report this week that that durned octopus was messing with the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) again. It's getting tiresome swimming out there to fix the thing, but we did it often enough that 31 potential Bogonauts started watching. An impressive 7 stuck with it until the octopus intervened. Only one of them bothered to report a problem, though, and for his trouble we enshrined him on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Our web server was messed up on Friday, undoubtedly preventing thousands of Fourth of July celebrants from tuning in to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. 27 personages did start to watch, though, and three prevailed. One viewer got carried away in the excitement and asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Thus beginneth the summer doldrums, during which your hosts submerge themselves and watch turtles. Again this summer, we'll post weekly updates, the Turtle Trax Toon, and of course we'll keep up with Adelita's position. Things will otherwise be slow.
A rather astounding percentage of this week's wannabe Bogonauts actually sat through the entire Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) this week: 8 of 34! That's 23.52941176471%, or somewhere around 24% if you're using a Pentium. Two of them were sufficiently stunned by the experience to request a place on the ever-growing list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Interest in the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) picked up slightly this week, no doubt due to the enticing reports regularly provided in this space. 33 personages set out on the path towards Bogonauthood, but alas, only two completed the passage. One of them was so awed by the experience that he asked to be placed on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
The summer slump continues, with only 28 would-be Bogonauts escaping skin cancer by staying indoors and watching the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Clearly these are a more determined breed, with five Bogonauts making it to the astounding finale for a mind-blowing 17.9% completion rate, the highest ever! Nary a one claimed a place on the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, though.
School's out so web traffic is down. This also means fewer serious students of the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) over the past week--24 only. Still, three completed the course and one graduated with honours, asking for a permanent place on the Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers Honour Roll.
Okay, so you think US Marine boot camp is tough? Consider this dropout rate: 37 started, but when it was all over, only 2 had enough stamina to finish. What are we talking about? Why, the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM), of course! Only one of the survivors had enough strength left to claim a place on the Honour Roll of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
There were 43 wannabe Bogonauts who started to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, but only two of them achieved Bogonauthood. We know who one of them was but he didn't confess, so nobody joined the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
46 Bogonauts gathered to watch the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. 26 left to get popcorn and popped off elsewhere, 14 had to go to the bathroom and flushed themselves, and three received urgent calls on their cell phones and contracted brain cancer. The remaining three enjoyed a delightful experience, one of them so much that he admitted it and unwittingly joined the list of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Let this be a warning to you all!
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