This is the Turtle Trax revision history for our seventh year. Some of the original links have been removed because the pages referred to have changed or no longer exist. In particular, we do not put Turtle Happenings pages in an archive, so the current page is unlikely to reflect the changes listed here.
Like everything else since Tuesday, this is not a normal update. Our hearts go out to our American friends.
Once again, apologies for the late update. We've been packing to leave and time has been scarce lately.
37 eager schoolkids enthusiastically demonstrated their bandwidth-wastage skills by attending the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) as schools reopened last week. Vigilant teachers must have been keeping a sharp eye out for frivolity, however, since only 4 of the squanderers actually got to see the spectacular closing scene. Perhaps cautious of the prying eyes of disapproving educators, not one of them asked to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
With Labour Day upon us, 27 people realized that they hadn't yet made their summer visit to theAwesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) and so dropped by last week. Watching the show, most of them dropped their jaws. By the time the fabulous finale flashed up on the screen, all but 2 had dropped out. We dropped several hints, but no one dropped a name onto the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. We dropped the subject.
Oops, beach-watching activities delayed this week's update a bit. Sorry!
Due to an unexpected shortage of bogons, the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) could only accommodate 32 viewers last week. As the supply of bogons dwindled, we were forced to ask reluctant patrons to leave. (Luckily, they were watching reluctantly.) By strict rationing and looking behind the couch, we did manage to find enough bogons to present the glorious climactic climax in all its glory to 8 personages. The last bogon went to add just one of them to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Fortunately, this lucky viewer had seen the whole show twice before and had accumulated bogosity to the point where a single bogon sufficed.
An oppressive heat wave swept over the continent last week, sending 23 heat-addled sufferers in search of relief at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). Of course it was way cool. In fact, it was so cool it was really hot. This confused the viewers completely, so much so that only 5 of them remained as the curtain rang down on the sizzling hot cool conclusion. Unfortunately, not a single one of them was in any condition to claim a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
We visited Oahu this week. While we were there, we collected 33 people, put them in a bag, and brought them back to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM). We knew it was wrong but they were just lying around on the sand not moving much so we thought they wouldn't mind. Turns out we were in error about most of them. Only 7 stuck around to watch the riotous but riveting resolution. No one wanted to be included on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, though. They all went back to beaching.
Taking advantage of the big waves, 25 people surfed in to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week. Most of them wiped out, though, and only 7 managed to hang in there all the way to the beach. "Like, it was totally gnarly, you know?" commented one dude who made it. "Like, rad, man, like, I dunno, really tubular," articulated another. One gluefoot executed a perfect full-rail carve slide and was so stoked she finished it off with a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Kowabunga, dudes!
27 people showed up last week expecting to attend the gala opening of Planet of the Grapes but got the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) instead. It was their mistake, so we thought they had no raisin to complain. Most of them started to wine and leave, but 4 people found excellent vintage points and stayed for the fantastic fresh finish (prickly yet zingy, with a peppery note). Only one person was added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers, however. The others had to claret with superiors first.
33 fearful folk gathered at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week to audition for the new delusion-based TV show Phobia Phactor. Apparently the producers thought this would be a good test of their contestants' nerves, and they were right. Before the climactic culmination came about, all but 8 potential participants panicked and parted. The ones who stayed behind were all so excited at the prospect of being humiliated on national TV, they forgot to submit their names to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Now that's embarrassing.
Since last week contained a Friday the 13th, we placed a ladder over the entrance to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) and charged a special entrance fee of one US two dollar bill. Despite the door being constantly patrolled by a black cat, 29 eager viewers crowded the hall. We think that the salt-spilling incident frightened some of them off (13 tons is rather a lot after all) but 9 people hung in there to witness the scintillating ending scene. Two of them managed to struggle out from under the salt long enough to request inclusion on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. Unfortunately, while they were signing up, the lobby mirror fell and shattered on their heads. Both are recovering nicely.
With Canada Day in the North and Independence Day in the South, 27 hopefuls gathered at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week expecting fireworks. Of course they weren't disappointed, as the bogonic flux distributor erupted in fiery fragments immediately following the explosive ending scene. By this time, however, only 3 viewers remained to see the sparks fly. Dazzled by the display, not one of them remembered to ask to be placed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
A grand total of 38 people visited the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week, investigating rumours that the featured performers might be some form of artificial intelligence or "mockers". Apparently "mockers" are programmed to entertain, thus many left before the performance was over. The 10 most curious remained right up until the last thrill-packed scene faded from view; however, none of them felt that it was necessary to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. We neither confirmed nor denied the rumours, but we will say that any resemblance to actual intelligence, either artificial or genuine, is purely coincidental.
29 eclipse-watchers who gathered last week to view the solar eclipse remotely at a theater near you had mixed reactions when equipment problems resulted in them receiving the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) instead. Some left in dismay, but 9 people recognized classic entertainment when they saw it and remained until the last sensational scene played out. One viewer was impressed enough to claim a place on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. "Eclipses happen only once every few years and you have to travel all over the world to view them," he said, "but you can see the BogusCam(TM) anytime!"
28 world leaders gathered at the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week to form NEATO, the Notably Excellent Awesome Theater Organization. They wanted to study our exclusive application of Quantum Bogodynamics with an eye towards building a Bogon Shielding Device. Unfortunately, the bogon levels emitted by most of the leaders caused disruptions in the cosmic forces, resulting in several of them departing before they could experience the full showing. 9 did manage to make it to the final spectacular scene, but only 2 reduced their bogosity levels low enough to qualify for places on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers.
Oops! The student art piece is meant to go somewhere else, so we removed it. It will be back Saturday in its correct place.
The summer closing of schools everywhere prompted 34 people to scramble to the Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) last week in a desperate attempt to take advantage of their last opportunity to engage in conspicuous bandwidth consumption. Using up bandwidth that could have furthered their education by carrying research for homework, or even to build up the sagging economy by engaging in e-commerce, they chose instead to squander valuable network packets. Spurning such bit-churners as Yahoo and CNN, these connoisseurs knew real bandwidth wastage when they saw it. Some of them saw quite a lot of it. 4 of them actually saw the complete mindbending show! Perhaps shamed by their inability to consume even more bandwidth, none of them could bring themselves to ask to be placed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. They had a bit too much, if you ask us.
We asked last week's 31 viewers what they thought of the much-anticipated summer blockbuster "The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM)", and were surprised at the answers we got. "Awesome, simply awesome, that's all I can say," raved one viewer. "Way cool," beamed another. Not all responses were so positive, however. "I think it's bogus," said a viewer who asked to remain anonymous. No doubt he wanted to escape the wrath of the enthusaistic fans, many of whom watched a lot of the show. 9 even stayed until the gut-wrenching final scene, and one even asked to be placed on the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. What have the critics said? "Three thumbs down," said a portly Chicagoan who also did not want to be identified. "Hmm, I don't have three thumbs. Could I borrow one of yours?"
The Awesomely Way Cool BogusCam(TM) was closed for spring cleaning last week, but 64 of you showed up anyway. We swept dust into the air, we made vroom-vroom noises with the vacuum, and we made you hold your feet up 10 or 20 minutes at a time. Still, no matter how much we shushed and shooed, 14 of you stubbornly stayed and would not leave until the last glamorous glimmer of the final frame flickered from the screen. We must have had some effect, though, because not a single person asked to be added to the List of Distinguished BogusCam(TM) Watchers. No married ones either.
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